I think my art is total shit.I used to draw so much better than...

I think my art is total shit.

I used to draw so much better than this EVEN WITH the fact that this is photo ref/trace.

I’m 34 in January, where the hell did my skills go? Why did i get so egotistical that i thought people would follow me anywhere with this? 

I want to go back to school, but with the amount of kids being so far above me that i’ll never get accepted. 

Especially since they genuinely are concerned about the behavioral spat i pulled in 2006.  I’ll be lucky if they even want me from what the interview sounded like.  I don’t deserve it to be honest, i was horrible to them and I was horrible to everyone and i still am…

I shouldn’t be depressed. I shouldn’t even publicly whine about it… but if i don’t express my concerns i’ll burn a hole in my stomach and lash out at people. 

Ever since i found out about my dad’s diagnosis, for mental health that is… I went on a quest to ask professionals on any level if there was a chance that was me… Because he’s stateside, and i’m in New Zealand - there’s NO WAY they’re going to actually diagnose anything for me because i’m so high functioning. 

He’s got High Functioning Autism, Aspergers/Autism Spectrum and Adult ADHD/ADD.  

Yep, i know i’m on tumblr - i know you’re all going to come after me and claim i’m some ABELIST CIS GENDERED TWAT who is culturally appropriating etc etc etc.  This is the 21st century, build a bridge and get over it…

I talked to several people in the industry for psychology, counselling and social work and they all nodded “Yes, chances are 75-100% that it’s the same for you.” based on their experiences with me.. 

But my quest means that i’ve known more things about how i was before i got medicated.  

I think the other thing is i’m more adult, yet i still want to sit on here and call myself the lamest thing since a half burned up barbie doll. 

I want to succeed but i’m too anxious to even bother finishing things.

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